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You Know What You Should Do – But You Still Aren’t

You know what would change your day: moving your body, setting boundaries, starting that project. So why aren’t you doing it? This article explores the hidden patterns that override willpower—and how to finally shift them for good.

It’s 6:30 AM.

Your alarm goes off. You’ve promised yourself to start the day with movement. A workout to energize your body, center your mind, and set the tone. You know it transforms your day when you do it.

But you roll over. Grab your phone. Just a quick check of your email. Maybe a glance at your calendar. Before you know it, you’re already behind, already reacting. The day pulls you in, and by evening, you tell yourself, “Tomorrow I’ll start better.”

Sound familiar?

Here’s the thing: I’ve never met a client – myself included – who doesn’t have multiple conscious problems.

We know exactly what to do:

  • Eat better.
  • Meditate.
  • Communicate with our partner instead of shutting down.
  • Start the project we’ve been putting off.
  • Move our body, go to sleep earlier, set boundaries, say no…

But knowing doesn’t mean doing.

We keep repeating patterns we thought we had grown out of.
We feel the same shame when our spouse corrects us.
The same wave of overwhelm when we’re about to do something new.
The same shutdown when we don’t feel fully in control.

It’s like being in the front seat of a car with the autopilot locked in.

It’s not that we can’t turn it off. It’s that we’re trying to fight it at the wrong level.

The patterns we’re stuck in—emotional reactions, thoughts that spiral, behaviors that feel compulsive—were never random. They were learned. Adaptations. Ways to get love, feel safe, be accepted, avoid punishment, stay alive.

At one point, those patterns solved a problem.

But they’re solving problems you no longer have.

Your body still acts like you need your caregiver’s approval or you might not survive. That you have to prove yourself constantly, or you’re not worthy. That you can’t rest until everything is perfect.

That’s not your fault.

And here’s the good news: anything learned can be unlearned.

Not by trying to override it with willpower. Not by layering affirmations on top of pain.

But by going back to the original moment—the ground-level contraction where that belief was formed—and updating the entire system from there.

When you clear that, something beautiful happens.

The autopilot doesn’t just switch off—it syncs up with what you actually want.

Suddenly, you’re doing the thing you said you wanted to do—not because you forced yourself to, but because it now feels safe to do it.

And that changes everything.

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